A REBIRTH - I HOPE

Logging onto this blog today felt a little strange and stranger still when I checked my last post and realised that I only updated once in 2015. I didn't think it had been so long. Once again I've found myself wondering where on earth time has gone? I asked myself that question constantly last year too, and that seems to have continues into this year because February is almost over and how has that happened?!

So now I know how long it's been since I last posted here I'm having to rethink my plan of updating you, I can't properly fill you in on the last year because this post would take eons to read and you'd probably nod off half way through. So I've decided to stick to the most significant things, the things that I suppose in part pulled me back here because I have so much to say sometimes and nowhere to word vomit anymore.








Both the children are in school now although not the same school until September. Dylan is in reception and Isla has a place at a small nursery after her paediatrician adviced us that she would benefit greatly from not only the social aspect of nursery but also the independence that comes with being away from me (sob). It wasn't as difficult as I anticipated sending her off every afternoon, lots of people talk about how hard it is to 'let your babies go' but I've always been a firm believer in rest and 'me time' which when they're home is usually me hiding in the toilet. So having a few hours every afternoon is a godsend. Hoorah!

Isla has been (almost) diagnosed with diplegia. After almost eighteen months of questions, pushing, doctors appointments and more recently physiotherapy and hydrotherapy we have an (almost) answer as to why she struggles with her walking. Diplegia in simple terms is paralysis to the legs. In her case it is very acute but still presents issues that in time we will have to deal with. Really were already dealing with them but it's easy enough as she's so young. Her neurologist says that it was most likely caused by some acute scarring on her brain that would have happened in my last trimester and was probably caused by either my continuing morning sickness or something as simple as the common cold.  The scarring won't get any worse and she'll continue to make progress but there's no telling what her limitations will be at this point. Just a vague idea based on averages. He says that an average prognosis would be that she would be fine to 'get around' at home/school/work etc but long days out or large amounts of walking she'll need a wheelchair. I could and will write essays about this, but not now. Soon though and I'll carry on for as long as I'm here.


If we go back to the subject of school for a second, I'm a student again! I honestly never thought I'd say that and yet here we are. I'm studying/training to be a counsellor something I am fiercely passionate about. Although this is huge for me it's not something I envision myself talking about a great deal, however as big news goes that's pretty big so I rationalised I could throw it into this post.



The start of school for me meant the slowing down of my growing cake business. I mentioned it a few posts down and also in my 2014 update. It's sad, I miss baking dearly but it's not where my heart really lies. That's not to say I don't bake at all. I still take orders when they come but Ive slowed down a great deal. Life is fluid though and this is something that I can rev up again if the time comes, or not. And that is ok. A long time ago I would have fallen into a cycle of self destruction as a form of punishment for 'giving up' on something, something I am notorious for. But now I realise that a person cannot do everything or be everything. You have to prioritise but you can only learn what you love and what you need in your life if you try new things. And that means giving up sometimes. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Food! (Sidebar - check out the recipe side blog) yeah food isn't so great. And by not so great I am really referring to the relapse that started last year and continued into 2016.  It's not something I'm ashamed of but I am so deeply and utterly disappointed in myself. Not for relapsing in itself but for the state I let myself get into before accepting that professional help was the way forward. I champion therapy and medication but I'm stubborn as hell and I guess those two things don't mix as well as I thought. I am now finally (sort of. Poor NHS with its ridiculously underfunded services) receiving help and working with my GP closely to monitor the situation. You'll hear more about this too, just not now.




Those things aside the only updates I could give you have sort of blurred into one. Last year was difficult. In a way I'm glad I didn't blog my way through it because I want to put it firmly behind us without a reminder every time I log on. No doubt in future posts things will pop up, but that's ok. When I sit down to write something I start with a plan and then words tend to spill out in whatever order they want and I re read my post and it's nothing like what I planned. And really that's pretty much my life in a nutshell.

This year I'm ready to get back in the blogging saddle because there is hope on the horizon and a journey that I want to remember however it ends. And hopefully you are down to travel it with me.

Right now I have battles to fight, lessons to learn and a family to raise (Harrison included until he learns to fold his bloody clothes) and I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to blog it as we go. It's nice to be hopeful after such a dark and unstable year.

Cheers to that.