OH I DO LIKE TO BE BESIDE THE SEASODE

 

                                     

Apologies for our sudden absence. The last few weeks of summer were full of days out, friends and good food and the sudden change into autumn kept us busy adjusting to our life and it's new routine.

Our summer ended with a trip to the Norfolk coast. A trip we've done several times, to stay at my cousins house by the beach.
This year we were joined by my mum, two sisters and two friends which Dylan loved. He loved spending time with the girls and would stay up long past bedtime playing with them or just sitting in their room while they talked.

As per usual the British weather was on and off, but we flirted with the sunshine and still managed a few ice creams on the beach.

                                  

Dylan developed quite an obsession for the 2p machines in the arcades, possibly his most repeated phrase of our time there was "more money please" or maybe "come on! Money machines!". It even became part of our morning routine: Breakfast, get dressed, a walk down to the arcades to play on the 2p machines while the girls got themselves ready. 

This is one of those little breaks that although it's cheap and cheerful it was desperately needed and a lot of fun. Getting away from home, even for a few days and spending time with my family is something we cherish. 

And the chips over there are pretty nice too.

DEAR ISLA

You are two weeks old tomorrow and that time has flown by. You're already changing daily, filling out and looking less like a newborn.

I posted a photo a few days ago and people commented that you already look so different. It seems to be happening so fast this time. I'm worried that I'm missing the little things with you because I'm splitting my time between you and your brother. But I know that you have something amazing that he never had. You have him.

Your big brother loves you so much. In these early days he has made sure to cuddle you and kiss you when you cry. Lay next to you and show you his toys and books and help me look after you.

His favourite thing is to have a bath with us. Twice now the three of us have climbed into the tub and he has tried to give you a beard of bubbles to match his own. 

Tomorrow you'll be weighed again and we're hoping you'll have reached or surpassed our goal of 6lbs. 

So unlike your brother you've outgrown your smallest clothes length wise already. If you carry on at this rate you'll catch him up before long. 

As I write this you're sleeping on my chest, the most peaceful of babes. You're so small that I'm yet to be able to feel your heartbeat against my chest and I can barely see your torso expand as you breath. It's astounding to me that you're here in your tiny, perfect form and that you'll grow into a child very much like your brother who is dancing just across the room. 

Looking at you it seems strange that something so small can completely change your world in the way that you have changed ours. And it blows me away that I can love you as much as I do. Loving anyone as much as your brother seemed impossible until I held you. 

And now I have you both, him with his crazy, quirky personality and you, so peaceful for now but a completely blank canvas to grow into whoever you want. 

I am so full of love. 

ON BECOMING A MUM OF TWO

I'll admit I've been worried. How could I love anyone as much as Dylan? How could another child compare and how would they share the space in my heart?

The list of what if's grew as my pregnancy progressed.

When I struggled with Dylan it would cross my mind if I would face the same struggles with Isla. Of would she be calmer? Would she be easier in that sense? 

And I worried about balancing their needs equally while still treating Dylan the same. I'm worrying about that now, I doubt I'll ever reall stop.

I worried more than anything about Dylan's reaction to his sister. While I've been confident about his fascination with babies and his laid back attitude and openness to change, I worried that he wouldn't adjust to this change. Another person, competing for our attention, another person in his house, in his parents arms.

What if, despite being so sure of his openness Dylan reacted badly. Shunned his sister and didn't cope.

My what if's still exist of course. I still worry about my ability to parent two children with two sets of needs. 

Five days in and Isla needs closeness, skin to skin and feeding every two hours whereas Dylan wants to read, explore and build towers. 

Having Harrison here creates a balance for now but soon enough his paternity leave will be over. I need to find my own balance. 

What I'm not worried about is Dylan's love for his sister. 

His compassionate, caring nature is suddenly so evident, more so than it ever has been. He checks on her periodically throughout the day, kissing her cheeks and stroking her feet when she cries.

He calls her name when he hasn't seen her for a while and brings his toys over to show her. 

His absolute openness to her becoming a part of our family and his unquestionable love for her settles almost every worry I have. His love for her is so beautiful.

Watching him learn to be 'gentle gentle' when he nuzzles his nose into her head and hold her hand as he lays next to her fills my heart with so much light. 

We all have a way to go till we find a routine that works for us and a balance in our lives, but witnessing his love for her gives me so much hope.