FIVE

While I was away Dylan turned five.
A strange age for me because when he was a few days old I held him in my arms and tried to imagine him being anything other than the tiny dot that he was. I couldn't. And then I tried specific ages and I settled on five. And it seemed so far away, such an abstract concept that when he turned five I cried, a lot. Because we had reached this milestone and now he was officially big.

Dylan is like me, his passions change constantly. Sometimes most of the time it's hard to keep up. Power Rangers, Batman, Spider-Man, Star Wars, Ninja turtles... On a day to day basis it changes but we just about managed to settle on Power Rangers for his birthday. And we're lucky that despite developing a sudden obsession with Star Wars a week before his birthday,  the Power Rangers we still a hit.

I drew twenty separate Power Rangers logos one night. I only went slightly mad. It's what you get for refusing to buy invitations and deciding to make them yourself. I didn't even learn my lesson. I've done the same with Isla.

His birthday fell on a Tuesday and we wanted something special. And as it turns out were pretty cool parents. We pulled off a birthday surprise that I fear we'll never match - the Power Rangers picked him up from school! 

                       

We waited until the end of the week for his party. And I promise I'll be more organised when it comes to photons Islas party. 

 But it was  Power Rangers everything! Including a big red dinosaur piñata. Because Dinosaur Charge is the same of the game right now. Filled with Power Rangers toys and more sweets than I can wrap my head around. 

 

A huge Power Rangers cake that kept everyone fed for a week and beautiful weather despite the forecast of rain which meant the twenty two children could run around outside! 

I was having nightmares about that many children in our living room. 

And some more rangers. Because what's a Power Rangers party without some real life Power Rangers?

  

I am now super into party games! Pass the parcel was a hit. So was musical statues and musical bumps and the barrage of other games we played.  Every party from now on will have games and I will have huge amounts of fun planning them.    

    

  

  And also Amy who is one of my very best friend who happens to be Islas got other and one of my bridesmaids. And Ella who is my second flower girl! We were reunited and I am thrilled!

Go-Go-Power Rangers!

 

RETROSPECT

I took a break.
'I didn't intend to but as it turns out being reported to social services wasn't exactly a laugh and a half and it left me feeling confused and vulnerable. Something so malicious, using my children as ammunition is a rough thing to experience. So I took a step back to reevaluate.
It also turns out that I stand by what I said before, I am not backing down to bullies. Never again. And I'm teaching my children the same.
Recently the world has been rocked by bullies. So many people have been killed by ignorant, selfish individuals that I have been aching with the world as it tries to recover.
I believe that we should all stand up to ignorance, we should stand up to bullies and strive for better. Strive to open the eyes of the ignorant before people get hurt.
And I was left with the question; what on earth I should do?Because my belief system is one thing but my fierce protection as a mother is another thing entirely. And I want to put an end to bullying, I want to teach my children not to lie down at the feet of bullies but to stand up and say "No! You cannot do this to me" but then, someone targeted me and used my children to do so and the fear that people will use children in such a way and so flippantly scares me. I was scared. I was angry.
Man I was so angry.
And my emotions kept me holding back. My fear held me back.
As a mother if someone threatens your children you will do anything you can to stop them and for me that was stepping away, shutting up and not speaking out.
But this is what I do.
This is a huge part of who I am and I am immensely proud of that.
And now not only can I talk about everything that pops up in my mind, I can honestly talk about my recovery. Recovery is lonely and isolating and bloody rough.
I can talk about that honestly.

So I'm back.
I'm back here.
I'm back on YouTube.
And I've reimagined and vaguely restructured my Instagram (hllylzbth not holz105).
Because I am entitled to do so.
My voice has worth.
I am worthy.
And absolutely no one is allowed to bully me into submission.

I strive to be an example for my children.
And this is me standing up, dusting myself off and carrying on.

DYLAN'S BEDROOM

I feel like this blog is crazy personal and yet you guys don't have much insight into our home life. I realise though that sometimes that's pretty boring, we have a relatively solid routine which would make any regular posts about our life send you to sleep. So I figured I'd give you some actual insight, like a mini tour of the interesting bits of our home. Starting with Dylan's bedroom.

Dylan has the master bedroom. It only really happened because the smaller bedroom that we took has walls of built in wardrobes and honestly I need as much space for my clothes as possible. So Dylan took the master bedroom, had it painted a duck egg colour and grey (all of our bedrooms have the same grey colour, I like to tie things together like that.), hung all his art and moved in all his stuff. And now three years, a new bed and lots of toys later this is Dylan's room. 

IKEA KURA bed 

IKEA TROFAST storage combination 

The boxes are mostly full of cars, wooden train track and puzzles.

Caravan, fire engine and ambulance - Wilkinsons.

I try to buy a lot of wooden toys because I think they help build the children's imagination by not lighting up and making sounds it allows the children to decide how things sound and work.

  

   

Dylan's toy box is a mix of the new and the old. The new - all the Toy Story characters, costumes, (more) puzzles and games. The old - original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers action figures, Biker Mice from Mars and diecast Thomas the tank Engine trains that are at least twenty years old. 

  

All his capes and masks in case there are crimes to fight

The children have a little reading nook under Dylan's bed (guarded by various super heroes), we keep Dylan's CD player there too so they can listen to the audiobook collections they have and sometimes read along with them. 

So that's Dylan's bedroom. It's a funny shape to fit his furniture in but there's lots of room to play which is just as well because he has a lot of toys to play with. 

And now you've had your first little peek into our home which I hope you've enjoyed. Look out for more soon. 

EASTER TWENTY SIXTEEN

We had a relatively eventful Easter period planned. Between Easter bonnet parades, theatre trips and outings to museums to see some dinosaurs the plan was to be pretty go-go-go. Until Dylan got sick. And then he got sicker and I wondered if I should haul him to the doctors office (impossible over Easter weekend by the way), then Isla got sick too. Dylan missed his last three days of school, Easter bonnet parade included (I cried internally), Isla made it through school before she was completely struck down on Good Friday.

We made it though our Saturday morning dance classes and cafe hangs which while I should probably have left to let the, rest the family time together as Harrison actually joined us this week was lovely. Not to mention special,unexpected moments that made me want to start weeping in the dance studio.

                           

By Saturday evening I was sick. And then I realised that the children weren't sick they had the flu. Because I have the flu. (FYI - going to the theatre with the flu isn't great fun. Kinky Boots on the other hand is flawless.)
So it comes to today, Easter Sunday and we skipped the church visit we had planned and struggled up to my mums house to celebrate. I had planned to take some photos, especially as I got a little drunk on Christmas and forgot to take those photos. But today I have the flu and I just about kept my eyes open so I've forgiven myself for leaving the photos.
I did get these though. Even though they aren't well. Even though we all have the flu (not Harrison though) they have a light within them and they shine light within me.

I hope all of you who celebrate Easter had a blessed weekend of celebration and to those who don't I hope you had a wonderful weekend of enjoying whatever you choice to enjoy.

DIY - EASTER BONNETS (THAT ARENT BONNETS)

I like Easter, it's a far less stressful version of Christmas in terms of family celebration for our clan and since my eating disorder became more public knowledge in my teenage years it's also been a time for my bedroom/house to fill up with fresh fruit and flowers as a replacement to chocolate. Now don't get me wrong, we have chocolate in our house but personally I prefer the flowers and strawberries.

Easter bonnets are new to us, Dylan only started education last year and the nursery class weren't involved in the bonnet parade. I'd actually fogotten they were a thing (I'd also forgotten how competitive I am, when I heard the bonnets could enter a competition I immediately decided we had to win) so when the letter came home inviting us to make bonnets I was excited. I love to craft! And I actually have a weird anxiety around crafting fuelled by my perfectionism that stops me starting projects out of the blue so a letter from school inviting me to craft!? Hoorah!!!
And as I'm back here and bloggers love a good DIY post I decided to pretend I was a good blogger and bring you this.

DIY - EASTER BONNETS (but not bonnets because we went shopping for bonnets and both children refused to put them on their heads and requested different shaped hats - or in Isla's case a headband)

Getting ready to craft is more fun than crafting (just) when it involves a trip to Hobbycraft and a soy mocha from Costa - FYI

First and most importantly we discussed themes, I love a good theme especially if it means matching or coordinating costumes (or bonnets in this case). To help us out I gave Dylan some hat shape options ranging from bonnets (obviously not), to cowboy hats (Woody and Jessie themed bonnets anyone?), top hats and even masks (I was feeling creative). Dylan chose the top hat and Isla was too busy drawing to talk to me apparently. So we talked about who wears top hats and Alice in Wonderland's Mad Hatter came up. We found some pictures of his hat and that was that. Dylan wanted a mad hat and Isla who was still too busy could have some rabbit ears. Perfect. 

Floral rabbit ears

Rabbit ears - £1 pound land, Silk craft flowers £1.50-£2 Hobbycraft (the glue gun is new £5)

I started with Isla's ears because they're super quick and easy to make but also surprisingly effective and look quite impressive when they're done. 

1. Cut the stems off all of your flowers. I went almost to the base of the rose but not quite so I'd have s tiny bit of room for manipulation even while the glue was setting. I could just hold onto the tiny bit of stem but hardly. 

2. Figure out where you want your flowers. Play around and change where you put them till you can find what you think looks best. Personally I like it being quite full but also uneven so I had quite a lot

of shuffling. Also remember that it has to go on someone's head, don't place your flowers too low down or else the band will just pop off. 

3. GLUE!! You can use whatever glue suits you best, at first I was going to use fabric glue or superglue but then I got myself a hot glue gun (!!!!!) and used that instead. 

At this point I thought that I should probably have painted my nails but who has the time?

4. Keep gluing on your flowers (hopefully where you had intended to place them but if you're like me

you'll forget and have to just go with the flow) and keep checking how low your flowers are hitting to prevent the whole band popping off your head thing. Then you're done. 

See? Super simple

Yet effective.

The Mad Hatters Easter hat

 

Tissue paper, A4 card, Reindeer moss, Chicks, Styrofoam eggs, Sheet of card, Hay stuff that I can't remember the name of - Hobbycraft (I'd tell you guys the prices but I bought doubles of things to stock up so its not really a true representation - also Harrison reads this and he might kill me)

1. So first you have to make the actual hat (unless you can find a top hat in which case I completely recommend doing that because while I love crafting I also love sleeping and spending extra time crafting Easter bonnets that aren't bonnets that will never see the light of day after the parade when you don't have to doesn't count as fun crafting to me) which involves knowing read measurements (and I had forgotten to measure Dylan's head) or being good at guessing. Luckily I know Dylan's head is about the same size as mine. Luckier still he have this great rainbow and one of the arches (the blue one) fits around half my head perfectly. So resorceful as ever I used that to create the inside circle of my hat. 

2 then you need the brim. So again (resorceful) I used another arch from the rainbow. Of course I don't recommend using a rainbow stacker, actual measurements are probably s lot better and in retrospect I could have used a plate/bowl/empty plant pot and looked much more sensible. 

3. Now you need the circumference of your two circles to make the tall part of the hat. They need to be in an arch shape but it doesn't need to be too precise (Mad Hatters hat remember, it can be as wonky as you like and you can claim artistic licence) with the short side matching the circumference of the inside of your hat and the long side matching the brim. The angles in the corners need to be right angles (90 degrees)

4. Cut it all out and pray you've got it all right because that's the worst of it over and you don't want to have to do that again. 

5. Glue the tall part of you hat together. It doesn't have to be neat, mine certainly isn't. It'll Al be covered up in a minute and no one will know this is your first time with a hot glue gun. 

6. Next you need to find a way to cover both pieces of your hat with your tissue paper. There's no right or wrong way to do it I tore my pieces of paper in half and then wrapped it around the brim of the hat but then just glued the strips onto the tall bit making sure there was no card showing. You'll have loads of excess tissue paper that you'll be itching to cut off left at the top but down. It'll create a base for your nest in a minute. 

7. Glue the two pieces together. Just make sure the brim is relatively even. A.though again, Mad Hatters hat = creative licence. 

7. Rabbit ears! Fold you piece of card in half and draw an ear shape, when you cut it out you'll have two identical ears. Fold a little flap at the bottom and figure out where you want them on your hat (somewhere roughly at the side but also far enough forward so you can see them from the front) then glue them in place. 

Grab a sheet of tissue paper in another colour, tear it in half then fold it till it's the width you want. Wrap it around the base of your hat and your hat is finished. 

8. Glue your moss onto the brim of the hat. I decided not to go the whole was around because I had some spare flowers from Isla's hairband and wanted one at the front to tie them together somehow (you'll notice if you come here now and again that I like my children to coordinate.. But who doesn't?). And make your 'hay stuff' into a nest shape and pop it into the top of your hat on top of the tissue paper (this will also stop your nest falling down and landing on your child's head) 

At this point I went to collect Dylan from school which was perfect timing really as it meant he could finish his hat (with help and supervision of course, I didn't let my four year old lose with a hot glue gun!)

9. Decorate your bonnet (that's not a bonnet). Put a bit of glue onto the eggs and either place or drop them into the next and periodically around the brim of your hat/in the moss. Once your eggs are in place stick your chicks on, I found that glue on just their feet was more than enough in the nest but while they were stable enough with glued down feet on the brim they did look a tiny bit drunk so a squirt of glue on their bum held them in place (and made Dylan laugh because at four years old bums are hilarious!)

And voila! One Mad Hatter themed Easter bonnet. 

It actually turned out that my super precise way of measuring totally failed me as I hadn't accounted for Dylan's hair so when he put his hat on it promptly fell onto the floor and the nest (which we didn't glue because there's no need plus I'm planning on taking it out of the hat and using it as a mini centrepiece on Easter Sunday) fell onto the floor and my previously sober looking chicks  went all wonky and drunk looking. So I've had to glue a ribbon to the insides to tie under his chin and hopefully keep it on his head for the parade tomorrow. Fingers crossed

So here you go my lovely readers (no really you must be saints to put up with the garbage I talk sometimes) two Alice inWonderland themes Easter bonnets for children who don't like Easter bonnets.