RETROSPECT

I took a break.
'I didn't intend to but as it turns out being reported to social services wasn't exactly a laugh and a half and it left me feeling confused and vulnerable. Something so malicious, using my children as ammunition is a rough thing to experience. So I took a step back to reevaluate.
It also turns out that I stand by what I said before, I am not backing down to bullies. Never again. And I'm teaching my children the same.
Recently the world has been rocked by bullies. So many people have been killed by ignorant, selfish individuals that I have been aching with the world as it tries to recover.
I believe that we should all stand up to ignorance, we should stand up to bullies and strive for better. Strive to open the eyes of the ignorant before people get hurt.
And I was left with the question; what on earth I should do?Because my belief system is one thing but my fierce protection as a mother is another thing entirely. And I want to put an end to bullying, I want to teach my children not to lie down at the feet of bullies but to stand up and say "No! You cannot do this to me" but then, someone targeted me and used my children to do so and the fear that people will use children in such a way and so flippantly scares me. I was scared. I was angry.
Man I was so angry.
And my emotions kept me holding back. My fear held me back.
As a mother if someone threatens your children you will do anything you can to stop them and for me that was stepping away, shutting up and not speaking out.
But this is what I do.
This is a huge part of who I am and I am immensely proud of that.
And now not only can I talk about everything that pops up in my mind, I can honestly talk about my recovery. Recovery is lonely and isolating and bloody rough.
I can talk about that honestly.

So I'm back.
I'm back here.
I'm back on YouTube.
And I've reimagined and vaguely restructured my Instagram (hllylzbth not holz105).
Because I am entitled to do so.
My voice has worth.
I am worthy.
And absolutely no one is allowed to bully me into submission.

I strive to be an example for my children.
And this is me standing up, dusting myself off and carrying on.