A situation arose late last week that I need to address.
Someone anonymously reported me to social services using my social media as the basis for their concern.
The allegations against me were problematic in that my social media within itself dispels all of them and therefore the basis for the concern. Not to mention the fact that to assume that I share everything online would be ignorant.
Before I address anything else I'll be clear in that
social services take every report they get seriously and they have investigated me. And of course, they found
nothing to worry about. I have since spoken to the schools of both children (due to concerns I'll talk about further down) and both gave me glowing reports of my children and their progress and both were shocked that it was my children being looked into.
The allegations were two pronged, first that I suffer from chronic mental health problems that I am not seeking help for nor getting any support and that are having an overwhelming and debilitating effect on my life, which they believe puts my children at risk. Second that I use my social media to post pro eating disorder content and deliberately target vulnerable people and put them at risk.
It is incredibly difficult to believe this person contacted social services for a reason born of true concern.
I believe that this was malicious. When making their report against me so much information that is readily available was left out. I talk so candidly about my life that I have discussed the community mental health team, my GP, the progress I've made including my weight gain and my relationship with Harrison and my mother. I post photos of the latter and have done so very recently. It is absolutely not difficult to find information that disproves these allegations and that was the exact information that was failed to be reported. Had it been reported then the picture painted of my and my abilities as a parent would be
very different. I believe that it was a deliberate lie, either information was intentionally left out or this person had not viewed my social media to the extent that they claimed to have done, and would therefore not have been able to pass such a judgement.
On Thursday when I received the call I thought it was a joke, when I told my friends and family about it they thought it was a joke. Most of them follow all my social media, including my mother who would read me to absolute filth if she felt that I was endangering anyone with my content. Having watched me systematically destroy my life during my breakdown she is now the first to confront me at the first sign of anything that has the potential to escalate. I called her after I spoke to the social worker, hers is the opinion I value above all else when it comes to this, and while I had absolute confidence in both my abilities as a parent and that my content online is safe and balanced, I couldn't be absolutely sure until I spoke to her.
Everyone I've spoken to about this has been confused, some have been angry and others hurt. But all have been confused. Because it is absolutely clear that Dylan and Isla are happy and healthy and for someone who doesn't know them, someone who has never met them and doesn't even know their names to tell social services otherwise is ludicrous.
From the moment I learned of these allegations I had had no concerns about what they would find.
I know the kids are surrounded by more love than they could comprehend, that they are happy, healthy and full of life.
I know that while my mental health could pose as a problem (and I have been confronted with this before) I have a wealth of support and I am confident that I parent in a way that keeps them both safe and aware that the way I look and eat isn't normal and that it
will change. That I am working on changing it.
I know that despite my struggle accessing professional support it is not through lack of trying and that I last saw my psychiatrist last week.
I know that if he had a concern about my mental health being a danger to Dylan and Isla he would have had to contact social services, and of course he didn't.
I know that while seeing an emaciated body can be shocking and upsetting I am candid about my struggles and also my triumphs. I take care when taking and posting photos onto my mental health specific Instagram and when writing the accompanying captions. I make sure the language I use and the information I post about my anorexia and where I'm at is balanced and as safe as possible so I can avoid triggering people. And above all I am clear in saying that that account shows one side of my life. And that I use it to vent, document and as an extension of my advocacy. I signpost people here and to my other Instagram to see how my life is day to day.
Because while I suffer from a number of mental health problems and they of course have an affect on my day to day life they are absolutely not in the forefront. I know that I am not proana.
So now it has all be confirmed that social services are not concerned and will not investigate any further. I will admit, I am relieved. While I never had any concerns about my children and their safety I was absolutely concerned about the potential affect these allegations could have on my advocacy work and on my future counselling training and work with young people. Schools and services working with vulnerable young people don't really invite people being investigated by social services onto their premises to work with the people they are in charge of. This is what I do and this person and their allegations could have potentially endangered that. For someone who claims to be concerned about vulnerable people their actions could have left vulnerable people without support. And for someone claiming to be concerned about my stability they put that in jeopardy. You know, while I had full and absolute confidence in the fact that social services wouldn't be concerned, I suffer from anxiety and the stability I fought to gain and maintain means that I am not medicated (
something else I've spoken about several times), regardless of my confidence this was incredibly triggering especially given that I am working through past trauma pertaining to a bad experience with social services (
something else I've spoken about recently on Instagram). I am incredibly lucky that I have both the stability, insight and most importantly
support that I do or else this had the potential to undo a lot of the progress that I have made recently.
The only concern I have that remains is down to the fact that a person would do this. Concern or not the claims they made in order to give their report weight were false. And if I am right and it was done out of malice then it is incredibly scary that someone would come after me and use my children to do so. Above all else their happiness and safety are my concern which is why I have had meetings with both of their schools. I never imagined that their happiness or safety would ever be something I had to be concerned about because I post online, and yet apparently I was wrong.
I have considered closing my social media accounts and I wouldn't be surprised if some people think I should,
to protect my children if I am concerned about their wellbeing. However I teach my children to stand up to bullies. I want to practice what I preach. And in all honesty, I
don't want to. These accounts are incredibly important to me. I use them to document my journey in an open and honest way which in many ways keeps me self away and accountable, things I need to maintain my stability and wellbeing. I use them for support and to give support and I cannot tell you how much it means to me when I receive messages reaching out to tell me I've helped them in a positive way. Next to keeping my children, the thing that brings me the most fulfilment is knowing I can help people. My social media has given me platform to reach out and I've had amazing opportunities as a result, my advocacy work being the most important of all of them. That is the thing that made me realise that I wanted to be a counsellor.
I wouldn't have half the fulfilment, hope or happiness that I do had I not started speaking on social media.
So I'm going nowhere.
But over the next few weeks I will be making a few
small changes to my social media and I'll be working closely with both children's schools and keeping them aware of any new developments if there should be any. And I hope there aren't.
I am feeling a big jumble of emotions about this and they'll probably take me a while to work through. I'm both embarrassed and devastated that it happened and that my children were dragged into it. But it has, and I can't change that. All I can hope is that some good can come from it and some lessons can be learned.
I hope that this can be a reassurance to other parents struggling with mental health problems.
Mental illness does not make you a bad parent and social services will not take your children because you're I'll even if you're open about it. If you're looking after yourself as best you can, accessing services, reaching out for support from friends and family and being honest with your GP, keeping yourself safe then your children will be safe. You don't have to be scared of repercussions if you reach out. Keeping yourself safe and happy is the best way to keep your children safe and happy.
I hope that this will be a reassurance to those who are truly concerned about my family.
We are all doing ok. Sometimes things are tough but we're loved and supported by an amazing group of people and the progress I'm making is making a big difference. I have a long way to go in terms of my weight but I
am stable and doing well.
I hope that this can be a lesson for people who think that because a person posts about their life online that they have been absolutely transparent about everything. I hope people realise that
I do keep some things private and I am absolutely entitled to do that. Sometimes I keep things private because they involve other people who's life I do not have the right to post so candidly about without their permission. Sometimes I keep things private because it is still something that I need to work though in a safe environment. And sometimes I keep things private to keep my children and their friends safe. Sometimes I just don't say things because who has the time to share their whole life online? I wouldn't have time to actually live.
Above all I hope this is a lesson for the people who think that they can have any right to intrude in my life like this. I am open and honest and I think that is a positive thing. I post about my life across various platforms but that does not give you the right to cross over into my
real life unless you ask or are invited.
This was absolutely crossing a serious line and that is not ok.
And if you still insist on being so intrusive there are ways to intrude on my life that do not involve my friends, family and most importantly children.
Someone who doesn't have the privilege to know Dylan and Isla has no right in even attempting to intrude into their lives. Absolutely none.
It is not ok.
And I hope that if this has taught anyone anything it has taught the person who did this that they were out of line.
