TWO ZERO ONE FOUR

Life has been a roller coaster in general for the majority of my life.

Last year however was one of the most life changing and life affirming times of my life thus far. 

For most people the changes that came to me last year would be pretty average, friends, jobs, spirituality(?) but for me these things hit me like a tsunami. And that sounds pretty negative, let me assure you it isn't, it just gives you an idea of the scale of things.

And while all this was happening my Instagram blew up and my blogger and YouTube we kind of laid to rest indefinitely. And while I'm always sad that I haven't documented things, especially in terms of comparison to how I religiously blogged Dylan's first year, I'm so glad I actually lived my life away from my laptop and processed my thoughts and emotions in other ways than venting through a screen.

2014 was a year of growth for me. I feel more comfortable in who I am as a person, as a mother and as a friend. I feel more rooted to the earth in a more spiritual way rather than just the commitment of being a parent (not disregarding the enormity of that).

I've found a hobby that snowballed into a business in my baking and it genuinely makes me happy and I'm hungry for improvement and creativity again.

I practice yoga and meditation almost daily and I'm finding a calm in my storm which is usually raging and quite often pulling me under.

I'm learning with my children and watching them flourish and sometimes not. And working with them at their own pace and to their own ability rather than worrying constantly about milestones and more than anything else, other children.

And I have friends. Bloody hell! I have the most amazing, loving people in my life and every day I feel so fortunate to have them (and their children) in our lives. 

(also have you seen my kids recently? Look at them!)

Everything wasn't sweetness and light last year, but I'm moving forward with the positivity that it gave me. I have so much to look forward to and so much to learn. The prospect of this year excites me rather than fill me with apprehension about the goals I won't fulfil.

I think that's part of the reason I stepped away from blogging for a while, I wanted to find my footing again and I find that hard to do while I feel that I somehow have to stay a certain way to keep the consistency of my posts going. 

I'm ok with that change now though. I'm ok with things not being consistent or particularly coherent for a while because that mirrors real life. 

Change is good, it's necessary and I'm getting better at being on with it. 

All I want for 2015 is to continue on the journey, because it seems to be doing us all the world of good.

Happy New Year.

NEW YEAR - SAME OLD ME

I won't ever proclaim that the new year will bring a new me. I am myself, a change in the date won't change that. I believe that we should try to better ourselves regardless of the date, and yet I can't ever resist resolutions.

Much like a new chapter in a book, the turn of the year is a way for me to refocus and start a new chapter of my life.

12 new months

52 new chapters

365 blank new pages for me to fill with new memories.

I've written a page of goals in a journal, some random, some focused, some personal and some I'd like to share.

Don't isolate yourself - you deserve friendship.

Heal yourself - choose to nourish your body with foods and supplements that benefit you, choose to nourish your mind with things you enjoy, practice yoga, choose life.

Choose your battles - learn to fight for what you need and believe in and wave the white flag to those things that you do not need or harm you. You do not need to hold onto those things that harm you.

If you don't want to smile then don't - if you want to cry then cry without shame, if you need to hurt then allow it to come. It will pass.

Create - write, draw, blog. Get your tattoo, bake, have dinner parties.

Don't let inferiority or guilt control you - you are you, you cannot be someone else. Accept the choices you've made, strive to be a better version of yourself not to be someone else.

Be a mother - listen to your children, encourage them, nourish them, guide them, love them, accept that you're not always going to get it right, that you'll wish you'd done things differently and sometimes feel inferior to the things you see other parents do.

Be natural - eat as naturally as possible, recycle, walk, explore, help heal the earth in small ways.

I hope I have a happy 2014 and I hope that I spend the next year of my life making positive changes.